Are You Too Busy Caring For Others To Really Grow In Higher Consciousness

by on February 18, 2012

Thought  Shift
I’ve noticed many perceptions shift naturally as people move into higher conscious living. You stop wanting to heal everyone, realizing everyone is fine just as they are.  Everyone’s  on their own path and will awaken in their own time. (It’s fortunate I believe in rebirth since this may not be in this life).

When we see others from a higher conscious perspective, we see their brilliance.  We listen to what they say as if they were the most interesting, informative person on the planet.  We believe they are strong and competent, and trust that if they want our advice or assistance they will ask.

We do not feel a need to fix them and we know we cannot change anyone.  Even if they push our buttons, we see them as masters.  I believe I can choose to learn from anyone I have a relationship with.  It may learn to have fun, to be joyful, or  shift into peace.  Or it may be that they are there to needle and provoke me and reveal an area I am still  attached to that may be hindering my ability to maintain higher conscious awareness.

I’m going to share my story because it is so common.   Almost every client who wants to shift to a happier healthier, more energetically fulfilled life, but believes they can’t has similar limiting beliefs.

Too Busy Caring for Others

Before I experienced this higher conscious thought shift, I was a caretaker. I absolutely needed to be there for my poor friends and family who could not manage without my help (or so I thought).   They had no other means of support that I knew of, no one they could count on to be there for them.   I believed they would be lost without me. … I was indispensible ( rather grandiose thinking eh?)

I also thought it was my  christian duty to help the less fortunate.  It turned out  I had a co-dependant relationship with many people in my life.  I believed “martyrdom, self-denial and incessant caretaking were righteous virtues to be practiced to the point of misery and annoyance.”  1

No Time To Grow

I saw other people I knew living a happier, peaceful and more fulfilled life.   But I had no time in my life to discover what it was they were doing to shift their energy. There were to many people counting on me.

It took panic attacks and several depressive episodes to realize I couldn’t take care of everybody else and not myself. I needed the time to find out what others knew and live a more satisfying life.

Easy (For You) to Say No

So although I felt guilty, I stopped rescuing people. I  mostly stopped offering to help.  Sometimes I just had to say “No, I can’t do that right now”. I worried that their lives would be marginal.  I honestly didn’t know how they would manage.  I disappeared  from some friends lives because I couldn’t bear to see what would happen, but I knew I had to do this so I could have a healthier life.

And lo and behold, they managed without me having to help them find another way!  They did have other friends who showed up to help.  They found other ways to get what they needed and their lives continued on just fine.   Now that I know I am dispensable, I still choose to help from time to time, as any loving and caring person would.

One other behaviour that has changed for me is that I also learned to stop worrying what others would think when they saw me “allowing” someone to do something that may have been a bit of a challenge, when I could do it more easily. It actually keeps them physically stronger and improves self esteem and self confidence that I know now I was chipping away, by thinking they needed my help .

My Friends and Family ARE Capable !

I realized I now see others  as more competent; they have many more strengths than I thought when I saw them as unable or weak.   I had been doing them a disservice.  Now I expect them to manage superbly and they do.  The confidence and self reliance it engendered in them proved to me the importance of seeing everyone as capable.  And I enjoy the time I choose to spend with them from this higher conscious frequency.

I am grateful for this awareness and I know the shift in my thinking will give me a bigger picture view as I practice and integrate it as my aging parents need more help.

Home Play  

If this is an issue that keeps you from maintaining higher consciousness, Try the following

Reflection:

Why are you too busy to pursue your personal or spiritual growth?

Who do you need to take care of ?

  • Would it actually be beneficial for them to do more for themselves? They may be afraid or just comfortable with you doing for them.
  • What does it feel like when you do something you didn’t think you could do? Are you depriving them of that feeling?
  • If you stopped doing for someone it may make someone else have to do it. … Are you depriving that person of a sense of usefulness.  …Are you depriving someone of an income ?  …Are you depriving the person you take care of the opportunity to connect with someone who is interested in getting to know them, hearing their stories and events in their live with which you are familiar?

What would happen if you were in an accident and bedridden, unable to use the phone, and needed care yourself….  ie you could not get out of that bed or do anything for anyone else?  (Hint: Don’t try and solve this. …. clue….. trust, faith, take a risk, ask the universe for help/pray)   Pretend this has happened and say no.

Action:

Find a friend who has a similar challenge he or she wants to let go of.   Celebrate your successes.  Make a “No Can Do”  prize ribbon, and exchange it.

Read Melodie Beatties Books.

The Language of Letting Go,  Co-Dependent No More  and  “The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today’s Generation,”

 

Image:  Strong and Feeble by Emilio  Labrador

1. Melody Beattie Author of Co Dependent No More  – interview with Christine Stapleton in the Palm Beach Post,

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